Social media often feels like a hindrance to me, despite the fact that it shouldn't. The constant comparison to others fuels my desire to work harder towards my goals, but it also creates discomfort within myself.
The initial step involves learning to feel at ease with who I am and embracing self-love, especially considering the prevalence of superficial tendencies in everything. It becomes challenging to appreciate myself and my appearance when societal standards dictate otherwise. Questions about my looks, the quality of my art, or the alignment of my teeth shouldn't hold significance, yet I find myself letting them.
I've reached a point where negative thoughts hinder my ability to focus.
Noise, more noise, its all prevalent in my head. Constant bickering of different versions of myself constantly. I can't turn them off. Sometimes I talk with them. I've noticed I have been talking to myself more and more. I am actually losing sanity.
While I understand the root causes of my problems, taking action seems daunting. Perhaps my fear is rooted in the dread of genuine loneliness, but why? I've become entangled in the pursuit of validation, influenced by the superficial nature of social media and the allure of money. It raises questions about what constitutes a "good life".
For me, a good life involves financial security and comfort, with more money equating to more comfort. I realize that my actions are often dictated by my current emotional state. It prompts me to consider how I would behave if I were the ideal version of myself, free from discomfort.
The allure of a fantasy world captivates not only me but others who share similar feelings of self-loathing. The question of "why" persists, pushing me to explore the roots of my discomfort. I crave to feel comfortable, to genuinely smile around people, and to escape the confines of my own mind. However, the initiative to achieve this seems elusive.
We often fall victim to our own comfort zones, engaging in activities that bring no real change. Breaking this cycle requires stepping out of the comfort zone to facilitate personal growth. Accepting myself and embracing discomfort seem to be essential steps toward meaningful change.
I aspire to be around people and find happiness, to build a family. Yet, the insecurity and self-hate within me raise doubts about whether anyone would want to be with someone like me. This self-destructive pattern needs to change before I ruin my own well-being.
There are moments when tears come unexpectedly, a sudden release in the midst of conversations or while engaged in literally any type of activities. These tears stem from the realization that I am self-destructing, coupled with the fear that holds me back from venturing beyond my comfort zone to initiate change.
Negative experiences and the false narrative created by my imagination have led to a skewed perception of myself. School experiences and interactions with people have been predominantly negative, feeding into my overthinking and the creation of pessimistic scenarios in my mind.
As my life progresses, societal expectations amplify the importance of appearance. I find myself more concerned about others' opinions than ever before. The constant bombardment of media reinforces the idea that attractiveness correlates with success. This emphasis on physical perfection leaves me feeling flawed and exhausted.
I'm so tired of disliking myself, of overthinking, and of allowing negativity to corrode my mind. The fascination with fantasy and the desire for god like powers in my dreams highlight the disparity between my ideal self and my reality. It's time to turn these dreams into reality, utilizing my current position to initiate change promptly.
I apologize to anyone who may be affected as I shift my focus towards self-care, routine, and creative pursuits. My goal is to build myself into a version that I can love. I encourage others to do the same, acknowledging the pain we endure. People often underestimate the impact of their words and actions on individuals like us who have experienced a lifetime of discomfort.
I've reached a point where all I desire is for others to feel comfortable and valued around me. While understanding that not everyone will like me, I'm committed to learning to like myself and pursuing a path that brings mental clarity. Change is imperative as I grow tired of the negativity within. To fuel my drive, I'll immerse myself in an elaborate mythology creation story, temporarily shutting myself off to focus on personal well-being. I remain open to those genuinely interested in understanding my thoughts and journey.
In this journey, none of the noise matters—create art, focus on your work, prioritize self-care, and step out into the world. The incessant overthinking is a trap; consider seeking help, start therapy, and embrace change.
I share these words because I know someone out there resonates with these struggles. While suicide or self-destructive tendencies might seem like an escape, they are neither healthy nor right. If only I could gather everyone who feels this way and remind them of their unique brilliance.
The challenge lies in recognizing that there are people who already see your worth, but self-absorption in negativity can blind you to their perspective. By not allowing yourself to feel the positivity others hold for you, you lose presence and fall into false narratives that lead down negative paths.
Just be yourself. I comprehend the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions. I really desire to feel about myself the way others do, and I encourage you to do the same.